Who Do You Give Your Loyalty: The Team or Its Players?

As I’ve mentioned here before, I didn’t start rooting for the White Sox until I fell in love with a girl in college who was a big fan of the Pale Hose. Before this point I had been a die-hard Tigers fan, but I became intoxicated in my love for the girl (who is [...]

Please Explain: Larry King

I’ve been writing these Please Explain pieces for awhile and it dawned on me when I was doing research for today’s topic that my concept could be compared to Jumping the Shark. So let me explain what makes them different. The definition of Jump the Shark is the following.

It’s a defining moment when you know [...]

When Baseball Season Ends in June

Yankee fans that check in here can take quit reading, as this piece doesn’t relate to you. As a White Sox fan, I’ve been spoiled over the past couple of decades. Since 1990, the Sox have won at least 80 games every year, except for 1994 and 1995 (both strike-shortened) and 1999. [...]

Is Dennis Miller America’s Top Douchebag?

Here is my favorite brush with greatness story. During my first year of doing standup comedy, a friend of mine was booked to open for Dennis Miller. My friend knew what a huge fan I was of Miller, so he asked if I wanted to go to the show with him. My friend [...]

PECOTA Was Very Right and Very Wrong about the 2007 White Sox

For the past few years I’ve been hammering Baseball Prospectus’ PECOTA system, in regards to how off it’s been about the Chicago White Sox. 2007 is shaping up like the overall record PECOTA predicted could be pretty close. I was much more optimistic in my thinking and while it still is pretty early [...]

Schizo Scott on Last Comic Standing and More

It’s that time of the year when people ask me questions about my profession, since Last Comic Standing is making its annual summer appearance. Last year I made it to the finals of the Chicago competition. Overall, I consider my whole LCS experience as a positive one. Here are a few more [...]

Please Explain: The NBA

Despite the topic seeming a bit too obvious for me to want to tackle, I just can’t ignore the NBA. A little background check on me would enable you to discover that professional basketball used to be my favorite sport. During the 1980’s, the NBA was the most exciting, well-played team sport in [...]

Even Steve Perry Has Stopped Believin’ in the White Sox

In another example of how fast a baseball team can fall-apart, the White Sox and Astros are facing each other in inner-league play this weekend. These 2 squads have went from playing each other in the 2005 World Series to appearing like Central division also-rans.

Condom(nation)

(Below is an essay I wrote in 2001.)
So I’m riffing through my mail the other day when I come to the Valpak coupons envelope. All the usual suspects were there. Hair salons, deck builders, tanning salons, and fast-food advertisements filling the blue envelope. One of the flyers did catch my eye, though, as it [...]

Please Explain: Dr Pepper and his twin, Mr Pibb

Wouldn’t you like to be a Pepper too? Nope. One of the bigger mysteries to me is why so many cans of Dr Pepper are sold. I can understand drinking it occasionally, but how it’s the 6th biggest selling soft drink in the US is beyond me.