Ordonez, Garciaparra, Slump Busting, and Terry Tiffee

With the first month of the season coming to an end, let’s look back at the major stories so far.

Since injuries continue for Magglio Ordonez, the Tigers’ management has started singing a song getting ready for the obvious court case that will ensue, at the end of the season, when they try to break their contract with the outfielder. “The left knee is connected to the viral infection bone. The left knee is connected to the hernia bone.”

Speaking of injuries, Nomar Garciaparra’s ruptured tendon in his left groin could be a season ending one on the diamond. No word yet on how long he will be on the disabled list at home, as this injury is week to week in regards to how it effects his Hamm-bone.

In what must be considered some very cloudy logic, the Rockies have picked up Byung Hyun-Kim, hoping that pitching in Coors Field will help with his pitching control. In a related story, the Rockies have hired in their hot dog quality control department, Kirstie Alley, predicting it will help her with her eating control.

Things have gotten so bad for Andrew Jones during his 0-24 slump that the only slump buster that could get him out of it is an intimate date with Howie (Stump the) Schwab. Good luck with that Andrew!

Twins’ Terry Tiffee was sent down to Triple A, not because he hadn’t swung the bat well, but because his name is so ridiculous. You know your name is silly when Kiko Calero mocks it.

The White Sox have drawn only 25 walks in its first 16 games. It’s official; they are more free-swinging than Nina Hartley in the Playboy grotto.

Jose Lima has an ERA of 8.05 so far this season. Actually his wife is the only Lima the Royals turn their juggs gun on for.

After signing John Rocker earlier in the month, the Long Island Ducks have added Pete Rose Jr. Next, look for the Ducks to go after John Henry Williams’ cryogenic remains, as they value the frozen ropes he could produce for their lineup.

The inside story behind the Sheffield fight with the Red Sox fan is that it was pre-staged, as the footage will be used in Fever Pitch 2.

Thanks again and enjoy Bill Scheft.

3 thoughts on “Ordonez, Garciaparra, Slump Busting, and Terry Tiffee

  1. 3.  Can’t the Tiggs get out of the contract by having him on the DL at the end of the year?

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