Please Try Our Delicious Fruit and Walnut Salad!

Next to maybe grass and sky, nothing pockmarks the landscape of our country more than McDonalds “restaurants”. The newest product that the company is touting on every billboard and sign surrounding their stores is called a Fruit and Walnut Salad. McDonalds touts their new product claiming it will give you a “fruit buzz”. Has there ever been a more transparent promotion of a product? We all know that no one goes to McDonald’s to eat an apple, red grape and candied walnut salad.

So why make such a massive push to promote a product that absolutely no one is going to eat? Well, it’s part of McDonald’s strategy of fighting back against the critics who claim they are poisoning America. After a movie like “Super Size Me”, which painted them in a horrible light, McDonald’s dropped the super size element of their business model. To follow that up on their PR crusade, you can now get a fruit buzz, for only $2.99. Uh, considering that you can get a Double Cheeseburger Combo buzz for the about the same price, I just have a hard time believing that this Fruit Walnut Salad is much more than a superficial panacea for what McDonalds is really all about.

All the fast food restaurants are worried that they are going to continue to face lawsuits from people blaming their obesity on the evil grease dealers. While I do think that there should be some limits put on advertising unhealthy food during kids programming, adults should be able to deal with their freedom of choice. We all know the obese guy who sues McDonald’s is the same guy who was at the counter prior to the lawsuit, saying “I need a shake, I need some fries, I need…..”
Uh what you need is some personal responsibility.
(NOTE: Adult Language content below the fold)


Hey we all have our problems. Let’s just say that I pleasure myself too much. (Hypothetical example) That’s my right and it shouldn’t be an issue as long as I have a tissue. Now if I was suing the porno industry over this particular predilection, that’s when my lack of self-responsiblity starts to impact others. Having said this, you have to admit that the case would be one great episode of a People’s Court.

(Standing in front of judge being sworn in.)
Baliff- “Please raise your hand and recite to the” (cut-off)
Me- (Holding hand in air and looking at it) “Actually, this hand is the defendant. No wait a minute, it’s actually the other hand. Hold it, sorry, I’m ambidextrous.”

So in summation. We all know what you’re doing McDonalds with your “fruit buzz” salad. I know you’re the Number 1 target for litigation by those who lack personal responsibility, but despite the garbage you’ve been serving, people in this country continue to live longer and longer. And the reason for this is not because Americans just consume Fruit and Walnut salads. Now, I’m off to Hardees/Carls Jr. because they know who they are and I appreciate a pusher who doesn’t try to hide what I need.

9 thoughts on “Please Try Our Delicious Fruit and Walnut Salad!

  1. 1.  Devil’s advocate here. As parent of two young kids, I don’t think the key issue is as you stated.

    No, what it really is is their understanding that a lot of 30 and 40-somethings are having kids and at the same time are becoming more health conscious. So the salads are not some tool to hide their agenda or unhealthy adult food – they don’t need to do that. Rather, they are a tool to get health-conscious parentage to keep buying those happy meals and to spend some money on themselves when they get there.

    Do I want their salad? Not really, but I do eat the ones from Wendy’s and Chick-Fil-A when I take the tots.

  2. 2.  I guess this was lost somewhere in the translation. I have no problem with salads, per se and actually like all of the lettuce based ones at McDonalds. It’s this fruit one that seems ridiculous to me, as they are promoting it so heavily, despite it having no chance of selling anything except the notion that McDonalds is about health.

  3. 3.  I thought the McDonald’s campaign to encourage their customers to engage in intercourse with a doublecheeseburger was more pathetic:

    http://andrewteman.org/blog/index.php?p=39

    RE: the salads, One of my employees just the other day mentioned that he has been going back to McDonalds after a 20 year or so absence primarily due to the salads. He neglected to tell me if he was experiencing a ‘fruit buzz’ at the time…of course my caffiene buzz may have prevented me from noticing.

  4. 4.  Re: Intercourse with cheeseburgers…

    We all waited, in vain, for the lawsuit that should have come out of that add campaign:

    Man Sues for Burns Sustained While Romancing Cheeseburger

    “They tell you you should hit it,” said the man, who received second and third degree burns in places you really don’t want to get burned. “What they don’t warn you is that you gotta let that cheese cool down before you do.”

  5. 5.  the customers at mcdonalds – are they not mainly members of the working poor? there is something distasteful about this whole post. what’s next – ridiculing the slovenly women who are too lazy to make PB&J at home, and instead use food stamps to purchase lunchables?

  6. 6.  Rowdy,

    I eat at McDonald’s probably at least once a week. I’m not overweight or poor or stupid (some may beg to differ). I just like taking my lunch in my car, I listen to sports radio or NPR over lunch and it is a nice break from my fellow humans to be alone for an hour.

    Not to brag, but my wife does pretty well as an accountant, so we are pretty well distanced from the working poor (luckily for me). My impression of the customers at my local store is that the one thing that they all have in common is hunger.

  7. 7.  Rowdy- Give me a break today. What I wrote about is that people who eat at McDonalds don’t want to eat fruit, especially if it costs 2.99. The main element of the piece is about personal responsibility, which is what annoys me and causes McDonalds to have to promote a product to adults, they know will not make a meaningful profit.

    In regards to the white trash element, McDonalds are just as busy in the suburbs as they are in the poorer neighborhoods. Oh and as I’ve mentioned here before, I grew up white trash, so if I need to have credentials on the topic, I have a PHD. (Phucking Honky Dumbass)

  8. 8.  Transparency aside, the term “fruit buzz” just bugs the bejesus out of me. I’ve eaten a lot of fruit in my life, and the only time I’ve gotten a buzz was when said fruit had been sitting overnight in vodka. It blows my mind that McDonald’s tacitly markets their salads as some sort of amphetamine. There are two conclusions to draw from this: one, McD’s did a slew of consumer research and decided that this is what we are looking for in our health food, and; two, it’s been so long that most Americans have eaten an apple that they might actually buy into this absurd marketing tack.

  9. 9.  My wife bought one this week of her own volition. And she liked it. Of course, on the ads they don’t tell you that the walnuts come in a little plastic bag to go with your overpriced grapes and apples.

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