Early on in my comedy career, I wrote a bit about a couple that were friends of mine playing something called the exception game. The concept was that you were able to pick 3 celebrities that you were able to sleep with that would not be considered cheating. This was back in 1995, so the 3 guys the wife chose were Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and Tom Cruise. The husband then responds by saying that “go ahead, knock it out, if you think you can do it. Cuz I would sleep Cindy Crawford is she offered.” The wife then proceeds to start crying saying “how could you do this to the sanctity of our relationship?” As the mediator, I step in and mention that she should calm down and look at the reality of the conversation. I offer up to her “that do you think that Cindy Crawford is trolling the streets of the (insert your favorite redneck hamlet) looking for a 400 pound plumber?”
Some comedy bits don’t translate well to the written word and while I would not rate it as one of my best jokes, it has been money in the bank since ’95. I found out later that the following year, there was a “Friends” episode that discussed this topic, only calling it the laminated list. Will has been threatening to put up his own list all year, but maybe Harold Reynolds’ lawyer gave him some advice to keep it to himself. Below is my list. Please feel free to offer up your own selections.
Scott’s 2006 Exception Game List
Elizabeth Shue- The only woman to be on my list for the past 20 years, I’ve had a thing for Ms. Shue since “Adventures in Babysitting.” She proved her acting chops in “Leaving Las Vegas”, while she was sexy even in brain-dead fare like “Cocktail.” She has a degree in government from Harvard, so she’s smarter than me, but I could look past that.
Gina Gershon- Co-star with Shue in the movie “Palmetto”, Gershon just oozes sexuality. With the most sensuous mouth I’ve ever seen and an attitude that says she is kinkier than you’ve ever thought of being, she hits me as the ultimate one-night stand. Bonus: If you watch “Bound” or “Showgirls”, it would appear that she might be willing to bring a friend along for the ride.
Charlize Theron- The most beautiful face I’ve ever seen. I know this sounds creepy, but I could be physically satisfied just looking at her head on a pillow. (Calling David Cronenberg.) Not only is she drop-dead gorgeous, but she has a really cool personality when she appears on talk shows. And in the celebrity world we live in, the best way to get a feel for a person is watching them on Conan.
Eva Mendes- From the first time I saw her appear on the screen in “Training Day”, I was floored by her beauty. A latin Cindy Crawford is how I would describe her. She’s sexy and has proven she has a comedic flair as well, but let’s be honest, a face and an ass like hers trump funny in any contest.
Eliza Dushku- I’ve never been a regular watcher of any TV show she has appeared on (Buffy, Angel, Tru Calling), but everytime I see her on the screen, I have to stop and gawk. She has gorgeous brown eyes, a luscious mouth, beautiful long hair, and it appears like every part of her body is built for pleasure.
These are my Top 5 for this year. I have listed 5 more smokin’ hot babes that just missed my illustrious list. Sorry ladies, but don’t be discouraged, there is always next year. (insert smiley face)
Hottest TV actress: Katherine Heigl
Hottest TV newswoman: Heidi Collins
Hottest Model: Adrianna Lima
Hottest Musician: Julie Roberts
Hottest Athlete: Katarina Witt
Now it’s your turn.
(UPDATE: Will chimes in)
I’ve resisted putting up my list for a better portion of a year, so Scott has to taunt me into it. Here’s my list, sans comedy gold.
1. Jodie Foster: Smart, sexy, confident, and always willing to go her own way, Foster’s been a longtime list denizen for me. I love women that will look as good at 40 as they do at 20 and Foster just gets better with age. I’m sure Mistah Tony will be saying that she’s “still getting it done” years from now.
2. Shakira: I have no idea what she’s saying most of the time, but hearing her say it is enough to make me want to learn Spanish. Then again, I don’t really care what she’s saying. She had me before hello. Jenny from the block may have made Latin hot, but Shakira perfected it. (Roselyn Sanchez gets an honorable mention here.)
3. Lindsay Lohan: She’s bad. She’s drunk or drugged out half the time. She’s talented and wasting it. That’s fine. She still has the potential to go back and recapture the form of the young Ann-Margret she once was and grab an Oscar. America loves a comeback and I’ll admit a weakness for underdogs, redheads, and freckles.
4. Kristin Bell: Veronica Mars might be the best show on TV, but it’s certainly competing with How I Met Your Mother for hottest cast. Kristen Bell is talented (check out her singing, always a way to get me), loves to cook, and gets ten points for “sassy.”
(Honorable mentions to Alyson Hannigan, Charisma Carpenter, and Cobie Smulders.)
5. Jenn Sterger: I won’t rehash my gushing here. You can page down for that. She’s my Isabella Rossellini.
Hottest TV actress not mentioned: Marg Helgenberger
Hottest TV newswoman: Soledad O’Brien
Hottest Model: models bore me
Hottest Musician: Miranda Lambert
Hottest Athlete: Danica Patrick