My Cup Boileth Over

When angry, count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred.Thomas Jefferson

…98,99,100. I know I’ve been spoiled over the past decade, as only once have the White Sox not won at least 80 games since 1996. (They won only 75 games in 1999.)
I don’t have to clue you in on how miserable the White Sox have been this season.

When angry, count four; when very angry, swear. –Mark Twain

Fucking bullshit!. This is what generally comes out of my mouth around the seventh inning, as the planet’s worst bullpen since May offers up run after run. Outside of Bobby Jenks, the Sox staff doesn’t have one reliever that you can feel any confidence in. Now I know what it feels like to be a Devil Rays fan. Hey, I’m all for learning to empathize through life experiences, but understanding a little of what it is like to root for the D-Rays is not something I needed to add.

When your team has the kind of record that the White Sox have, you would expect that you are going to be out of many games early. This is the beyond frustrating part, as the White Sox starting pitching has been really good (except for Contreras), so generally the team is up or down by a run going into the 6th inning. In the cases of Buerhle, Vasquez, and Garland, they often get through the 7th inning with the lead. This is the vicious trick that the 2007 White Sox team offers, as you can watch most of the game thinking today will be different, only to have the bullpen blow more opportunites than Nina Hartley.

I could be wrong
I could be right
I could be black
I could be white
Anger is an energy
Anger is an energy
John Lydon (Rotten) of Public Image Limited

Look, I realize that this is just one year. I realize that the White Sox failures will not have an impact on the War in Iraq or global warming. This kind of logic doesn’t seem to help me much, as I still, if not externally feeling like going postal, I’m internally filled with moments of rage at my team’s failure. And this comes from a man who’s generally non-violent and very even-tempered, except when dealing with hecklers or car salesmen.

Since the rest of the season promises to be a long one, I plan on joining a Lemaze class, so I can learn to breathe through the pain. If that doesn’t work, I will see if I can get someone to administer an epidural to me during the 7th inning stretch. I mean the 2007 White Sox bullpen has left me feeling night after night like I’ve been the victim of William Ligue.

For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Hey, I will try to focus more, R. Waldo. As a man, I realize how much happiness can be achieved in 60 seconds. I mean, who really has the time for Tantric sex anyway?

Author’s Note: How often to you read a piece that includes Jefferson, Twain, Emerson, Johnny Rotten, Nina Hartley, and the Charles Manson of umpire muggers (Ligue)? This is the kind of baseball analysis that you will never get anywhere else. Overall, I’m guessing that this is probably a good thing.

 

8 thoughts on “My Cup Boileth Over

  1. 1.  “Anger always comes from frustrated expectations” Elliott Larson

    – sigh – We’re really not supposed to be this pissed while still in the afterglow of a World Championship, but dammit, this has been the most frustrating season I can remember. Watching every game is like living the life of Wile e. Coyote, and waiting for the anvil to drop on your head.

    Making matters worse, the freakin’ Cubs are hot which makes the other 70% of this town completely insufferable.

  2. 2.  Remember the episode where Homer is the union leader. After he beats Burns in the negotiation, he starts spinning around on the floor and Burns says, “Smithers, I’m beginning to think that Homer Simpson is not the brilliant tactician I thought he was.”

    That’s Kenny Williams to me.

    I think to win the WS, you’ve got to have a great plan and a get really lucky. It seemed to me like this year was supposed to be a little bit of a youth movement and a little bit of trying to win the World Series again.

    Williams (and Reinsdorf), I’d bet, would have preferred just to blow up the World Series team a la the Marlins and gone with a complete youth movement, but didn’t want to the fans to revolt.

  3. 3.  “I realize that the White Sox failures will not have an impact on the War in Iraq or global warming.”

    I dunno, sports teams failing in major media markets does tend to produce a lot of hot air…

  4. 4.  But if the rumors are true that Nina Hartley and Siouxsie Sue are the same person, and that Mark Twain said, “The longest winter I ever spent was summer on tour with the Sex Pistols (which ended in San Francisco),” and that we all laughed and Hemingway punched Emerson in the nose, you’ve been beaten to this territory.

    (I figure the obscure allusion to Woody Allen’s stand-up makes up for leaving out the other references.)

    To think that if the White Sox had the Royals bullpen, it could make a whole pitching staff. Bogles the baseball mind.

  5. 5.  OT: Scott, five+ months after you blogged on the topic, the L.A. Times write about joke-stealing. Pretty soft article though; rehash from old articles and sprinkled with a few new (I suppose) quotes.
    http://tinyurl.com/23styr

  6. 7.  Now now Scott, why’d’you have to go and pick fights with those of your readers who just might be closet Devil Ray fans??

Comments are closed.