A Shitload of Takes

I’m not big on using linking other stories and then doing a recap on them, but every once in awhile I do go through stories that have caught my eye.  Here are few you need to know my opinions on.

Ryan Longwell credits Tiger Woods for being a better kicker, according to a St. Paul Pioneer Press article.  Supposedly, Longwell lives in the same community in Orlando that Woods does and has gotten to know him.  Here is my take.  How the FUCK does a kicker make enough money to live in the same area as the most successful athlete of the past 2 decades?  Really, help me out on that one, as it makes me fucking sick.  I struggle to make ends meet, while an average NFL kicker makes enough scratch to live close to Eldrick.

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So I guess that Kathy Griffin said a couple naughty things after midnight on CNN during NYE and get this, the New York Post is

Is this the Pig Sarah Palin referenced?

Is this the Pig Sarah Palin referenced?

calling her out for it.  You know, the tabloid that has made its name from headlines which focused on really important figures like Leona Helmsley, Marla Maples, and Amy Fisher.  Obviously, I’m pretty open to exploitative headlines here, so I guess I’m not too judgemental.  I’d like to put my standup comic hat on for a second and give you break down of what happened that night. Supposedly, Griffin was being heckled and replied to her attacker, “Screw you,” she told the heckler. “Why don’t you get a job, buddy? You know what? I don’t go to your job and knock the dick out of your mouth.” Her biggest offense in this exchange was that it is the most classic heckler response line in the biz.  Some would call it hack, but I’m generally willing to give a comic a break when it comes to hecklers and what you need to do to put them back on their heels.  It’s definitely dog eat dog in that situation, and if you’ve seen Kathy Griffin lately, she is quite a dog.  Just look at the picture to the right.  I don’t find it surprising that she would wear this particular jewelry, because I can’t imagine with a face like that any man willing to give her a real pearl necklace.  You might be surprised to hear this, but I think Griffin is really talented, even if I think she’s a raving KUNT.  (Even here at NSFW Sports, we don’t use the C word.)  My problem with her is similar to Joan Rivers.  When you’re a comic, it is important for your face not to look like it’s being seen through a fucking Funhouse mirror.  If CNN didn’t expect her to say something bawdy, why book her?  I’m surprised that when she said it, Anderson Cooper didn’t inquire from the gentlemen where he works, because Andy would like to catch his dick-swallowing show. Oh and one more thing, the best heckler response line I’ve ever heard was “Sir, next time you come to a comedy show, why don’t you stop at a drug store and buy yourself a box of condoms.  You see, I figure if you’re going to act like a dick, you should dress like one, too.

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This is as good of place as any to discuss how the main stream media needs to understand that times have changed.  You can go all Allan Bloom on me, but we don’t live in a society of kind manners.  You can use that type of politically correct, sanitized construct, but it ain’t gonna get you enough viewers/readers to keep you financially solvent.  I’m not saying all culture has to be as coarse as it might be here, but at the same time, the model which I was taught in J-school isn’t working.  There needs to be a balance between good reporting and entertaining opinion. Columnists like this douchebag are a symptom of what is wrong with newspapers.  This moral crusader is a TV critic for USA Today.  Here is what he wrote in his last piece (of excrement.)

When Terry Bradshaw said on Fox NFL Sunday he wanted the hapless Detroit Lions to finish the season 0-16, Howie Long called his colleague a “scumbag.” Replied Bradshaw: “I know I’m a scumbag.” Does somebody have to remind them kids watch the top-rated NFL pregame show, which starts at 12 noon on the East Coast? Fox didn’t get any complaints from viewers, spokesman Dan Bell said.

Wow, scumbag.  How horrible.  I hope no children were scarred.  Is this guy living in the 50’s?  You know why they didn’t get any complaints, because this country has bigger problems than someone calling a friend a scumbag, in a joking manner.  Jesus Christ, McCarthy, what do you watch all day, reruns of the Waltons?  Really, you ought to put on a fucking bonnet and call yourself Mike Ingalls Wilder.  No wonder USA Today is losing so much circulation.  You’ve got a guy covering Sports TV who should be working for the  Saturday Evening Post.

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