How can you have a game turn out to be that boneriffic and it not seem like a Super Bowl? Pittsburgh and Arizona have nothing to apologize for, but whoever won this game was going to wind up being one of the 5 worst Super Bowl champions of all-time. I take my pants off to both teams, as I feel they played up to their potential, but the overall talent level on the field was as bad as I can remember in a Super Bowl. This is what the NFL has become. There really isn’t a big difference between the best team and the worst. (remember that in 2007, the Lions were 6-2 at the halfway point of their season) I know that parity has been the NFL’s mantra, but it has been a very mediocre season because of it. Roger Goodell couldn’t have scripted the Super Bowl much better than it turned out, but the game always seemed like something was missing. Oh yeah, a complete team.
I’m not saying these 2 didn’t deserve to be there. Actually, the NFL playoffs this year had a bunch of teams that resembled the Super Bowl participants. You know, overachievers. Tennessee, Baltimore, Miami, Atlanta, and Philly, all played better than anyone would have guessed, but they all had weaknesses. Of these 5 only Tennessee had the kind of balance and coaching that I think could have knocked off the Steelers. The aberrations were the following teams.
The Giants were the best team in football for 12 weeks, until Plaxico Burress got confused. Plaxy thought he was living the life of a former HBO series, but when he was supposed to go out to a club and follow the Sex and the City script, he got a Deadwood one instead. First Charles Rogers and then Plaxico. What is it about Michigan State receivers being such unruly dumbasses? If Kirk Gibson hadn’t of been an all-american flanker from Lansing, I would think the place is cursed.
Carolina was maybe the best balanced team in the post-season, but their quarterback couldn’t have played worse against Arizona. He threw the ball to the other team so much that some laser surgery doctor should fix his eyes and then use him as his spokesman.
The old adage of who wins the line of scrimmage will win the game has not worked out well for the Vikings. The reason this team missed the playoffs last year and didn’t go further this year was because of the coaching and quarterback. Brad Childress is a fucking idiot. Who am I to say that he isn’t a good coach? Scott you never made it past high school football (legendary as I was there), while Bradley has made his living doing it. Well, I knew from the beginning that Tavaris Jackson was not the answer. Are you going to tell me that Jeff Garcia running this offense, getting a chance to handoff to Adrian Petersen, and making enough plays to win with a great offensive and defensive line wouldn’t have put them in a better position to play for it all? I mean who couldn’t have figured that out. Even Mike Tice could have done that. I think.
On the surface, the Colts looked like they had everything in place to go all the way, but they never recovered from having major injuries on their offensive line. They never had any balance in their offense, as the only team that ran ball worst was the Arizona Cardinals. Hitting myself on the forehead… Shit, that was a really bad example. How am I’m going to save this point….Uh, I got nothing. Look, we all know the Cards were a big fucking fluke. Ultimately, the biggest problem the Colts have is that cover 2 style Dungy runs doesn’t work that well in the playoffs, as the tiny defensive linemen he uses get manhandled, as there is more of a smashmouth brand played. We will see if new coach Jim Caldwell changes that formula.
There was only one team that underachieved during the regular season and still made the playoffs. The Chargers. Norv Turner is a nitwit. I don’t care if the refs screwed them, there was no way the Bolts should have had a .500 record. They should have never fired Marty Schottenheimer. How Marty doesn’t have a job in the NFL speaks to the power that GM’s in the league have now. You have a coach who’s proven at every place he goes that he will get that team quickly into the playoffs and he sits on the sideline because he won’t take shit from any backseat drivers.
I still believe the Cowboys were the most talented team in the league, but the sideshow antics of TO and Pacman doomed them. Now don’t get me wrong, as a comedy writer I appreciate him putting these 2 morons together. When I heard that HBO was going to do a series featuring the Cowboys, I thought “great idea…bring back Hookers at the Point.” Of course, Jerry Jones said that he embraces distractions. If that is the case he’s going to have to pay Pac Man Jones a large bonus.
With that logic, why not announce that he’s hiring as his new coach, Rod Blagojevich.
This finally leaves us with the best team in the NFL. The Patriots. No, I’m not Bill Simmons giving another Beantown team a handjob. I hate the Pats. I’m just trying to be honest here. Who was the most dangerous team playing at the end of the regular season? Could it have been the team that fucking dusted the Cardinals 47-7 in Week 16? It’s hard to bet against a Bill Belichick team in the playoffs, but despite an 11-5 record, the NFL’s stupid move of having 4 division conference winners gave the Chargers a home game. A home game even though they were 3 and fucking 8 at one point. A home game for a .500 record team that played in a terrible division, while the undefeated team from the year before was left sitting at home.
I will remember 2008 as a lost season for the NFL. This year’s champion Steelers brought home the 6th world championship to Pittsburgh, but I wouldn’t even rate the 2008 crew in the Top 10 of all-time great Steeler teams. Just compare the top NFL teams from the 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s to this decade. Maybe parity isn’t the best thing for sports.