Time to Start Firing Away at American Idol

The 2009 edition of American Idol has a lot of talented people.  There has been one major problem with the show, though.  You hear time after time the judges saying to the contestants that they picked the wrong song.  This is the biggest show on TV and whoever runs things behind the scenes has shit for ears.  How some of the songs are approved is beyond my comprehension.

Another behind the scenes type who really suck is the American Idol band.  Even last year when the show had a contestant, David Cook, who was brilliant at putting a new spin on pop songs, there was one thing that even held his performances back, the AI band.  The guy that really is terrible is the lead guitarist, who plays everything like he’s doing a guitar solo for Quarterflash.  You know how Simon Cowell will say a contestant sounded like a wedding singer?  Well that fits perfect with the wedding band playing behind them.  The cheesy ass way they play makes me believe they would be more comfortable playing with Randy Jackson in a Journey cover band.

While Fox is firing these incompetents, please get rid of Kara Dioguardi. I’m guessing most people dislike her, but I fucking loathe her.  How they thought she would bring something to the show is beyond me.  Her kunty approach to everything makes me want to strangle her everytime she opens her mouth.  My least favorite phrase on TV this year is I could see you as a package artist.  Music biz terminology is amazingly annoying to listen to and I’m shocked that the producers haven’t told her to cut it the fuck out.  Paula Abdul is in her walk year and I’m guessing Kunty Dioguardi was brought in to make her feel the heat.  What it has accomplished is to make Paula look indispensible, because as loony tunes as Paula is, she at least has a likeability to her. Actually I think this has been Abdul’s best year on the show.

American Idol gets the ratings it does because of the talent and Simon Cowell.  Unlike every other talent show that has been on TV, Cowell always speaks what he considers the truth, despite how it might seem like a negative to the overall success of the show.  He might be a complete asshole, but you never doubt that he says what he believes and this is the big reason the American Idol doesn’t become like the other self-congratulatory talent shows that have hit the airwaves.

I have high hopes for the 2009 version of the show, but the behind the scenes people working with these performers and Kunty Kara Dioguardi continue to give the program too many cringe moments.  The great thing about American Idol is that if you don’t bring the noise, you will eventually get sent home.  It’s too bad that the people connected with the show who fail as badly, aren’t sent home, as well.

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More than any other contestant I’ve ever seen during his first appearance on AI, Danny Gokey seemed to already have everything needed to be the winner.  I’m not a singer, but after doing standup for 16 years, I know when I see someone with star charisma.  It’s a mix of always seeming natural when performing and coming off like you are in total command.  When you add that the dude can sing like a motherfucker and he just hits me as being a heavy favorite.  The one thing I haven’t seen him do is break-out of the raspy soul singer vibe, but if a mediocre talent like Taylor Hicks could win by just doing this, I don’t see the far superior Gokey struggling too hard.

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I got your package artist, Kara!!!

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What American Idol could use is a chick with the talent and personality of Pink.  In her latest video, she ends up  having a steamy scene with herself.  Weirdly erotic.

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