All women around the world want a phony rock star
Who plays guitar
You can pump your iron and shine your shoes
And wear your hair just right
You go down out on cruisin’ street
‘Cause you want to score tonight
Ra da ra da ra da
And you really want to show your scars
Forget all about that macho shit
And learn how to play guitar
One of the biggest lies women continue to give lip service to is I want to meet a guy with a good sense of humor. What a crock of shit. I
bring this up because a couple nights back I was performing at a casino gig where in the main ballroom was the immortal Skid Row. I noticed when walking by the line to get into the show that every mullet-draped fucknut from miles around had decided to attend. What was surprising was how many sexy skanks had gotten their slut on to impress the hair-metal has beens.
I’m not one of these musical elitists claiming that any music not influenced by the Velvet Underground or Joy Division is shit. I do think most hair metal was stool-inducing, but I will give some credit to Sebastian Bach, as he has one of the best heavy-metal singing voices I’ve ever heard. The 2 hits that Skid Row had off of their debut were somewhere between Bon Jovi and Guns and Roses, which isn’t too shabby. What is amazing to me is that they can still draw a 1000 or more people to a show, even though they were basically a flash-in-the-pan.
There are about 100 comics who headline at major comedy clubs across the country. Out of those 100, 70 percent of them are pretty much unknown to a majority of America. I realize that music stays with you a lot longer than a joke does, but music and comedy are the closest 2 professions, so there is some reason to compare. I’m a huge music fan, but I think there is massive overkill covering the industry. Go to Borders sometime and count all the music publications. I truthfully don’t have understanding how even half of these mags stay in business. It’s fucking ridiculous all the glowing stories that are written about the greatness of some band that will probably be defunct within 5 years. Hey, remember when techno was going to rule the world or that the Strokes were on every rock mag? Whiff on that one. I’m not about to pretend that today’s standup comedy is some great force for societal change, but let’s not pretend that music is doing anymore.
I’ve gotten off-track here. My initial point is that I have no understanding how some band like Skid Row can still draw so many people all across America. It must be the Savage Animal in them . Hey it rolls off the fucking tongue! We have to go with Savage Animal! We can’t go with anything else. Wait, how about DAMNOCRACY! (The preceding came from the funniest thing I’ve ever seen on VH-1. )
Things aren’t going to change, so I generally realize it’s not worth bothering me. I guess the thing that really set me off was seeing women outside this show wearing t-shirts for the opening band, Firehouse. If you want to make me projectile vomit, make me watch a Firehouse video. They are the worst thing that ever happened to hair metal and yes, I’m including White Lion in that discussion
This is perfect example of Sebastian at work. What a great moment in music history.